Each week, The CSPH answers questions that have been submitted anonymously through Formspring. This week’s question is:
My boyfriend keeps asking me to have sex with him in the doggy style position, and as much as I would like to, I’m way too embarrassed to do it. This is a really tough subject for me as a woman, and I don’t really want to tell him about it. I have a condition that causes me to have excess body hair, and my behind is an area that really suffers from that. I really don’t want my boyfriend to see the hair, I’m worried it would disgust him (as it does me) and he would leave me. What should I do?
From aardvarks to zebras, most of the animal kingdom gets down and dirty from behind. Coitus more ferarum, “sexual intercourse in the manner of wild beasts,” requires submission to a dominant partner, who gains control over the depth and rhythm of penetration.
“Doggy-style,” as we often refer to this sexual position, appeals to some people for a variety of reasons: the potential for G-spot stimulation, the great view it affords the penetrating partner, it’s carnal, animalistic nature, or the fun of exploring new possibilities. Engaging in lordosis behavior—the ventral arching of the spine—is a physical posture seen in many mammals when they are ready for sex/mating, which could explain our general fascination with rear entry recreation.
Another primal connection, besides a potential interest in banging like baboons, is our abundant body hair. Despite what we see in contemporary, commercial porn, humans are inherently furry mammals. Body hair protects our skin from dirt and germs, provides cushioning for out sensitive parts, lessens the friction between skin and clothes, and holds in heat to keep us warm. Due to factors such as ethnicity, genetics, and hormone levels, some of us are hairier than others, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, there are some people who find body hair, even in large quantities, to be rather attractive. If you don’t believe me, feel free to visit lovehairywomen.tumblr.com. (NSFW)
I understand your concern about how excessive body hair might impact your relationship, but if you’ve already been intimate with your boyfriend, there’s a good chance he knows you’re a little furry. Even if you’re just kicking it missionary style, he can probably feel your bristly bottom. I think the more important issue to address is how your body hair makes you feel and how it relates to your specific medical condition, both of which should be disclosed to your intimate partner. Whether intentional or accidental, your boyfriend will probably catch a glimpse of your ass, in all its hairy glory, at some point in the future. Ideally, during the course of a long-term relationship, you will also fart, vomit, and cry in front of one another. True romance is more than chocolate and roses!
If you have a genuine desire to do it doggy-style, which is what you suggested initially, maybe you could find a way to enjoy the experience and be less self-conscious. Sex with the lights out? Flirty skirt minus panties? Also, keep in mind that your boyfriend is probably not staring at your ass every second. More than likely, his eyes are rolling back into his head while he grunts and makes weird faces. The most important thing is to assess whether you would be engaging in this sexual activity because it is something you want to try, not due to pressure from your partner.
As an alternative, perhaps you and your boyfriend might want to experiment with some novel positions that, similar to doggy-style, allow for deeper penetration. One such position, appropriately named Deep Impact, involves pulling you towards the edge of the bed, wrapping your legs around his waist / hips, and allowing gravity to take over while he thrusts like a champ. Pulling your legs towards your chest or resting them on his shoulders during missionary can create a similar sensation of fullness. There are lots of other interesting possibilities to consider on http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml, complete with cheeky descriptions and 3-D animation.
Body hair and sex positions aside, it’s important to examine the quality of communication and trust in your relationship. It sounds like you have some doubts in both of those areas. Talk to your boyfriend and find out what is driving his doggy desires. Maybe he is obsessed with your ass, or perhaps he’s just feeling lazy; when he’s on his knees he can thrust more powerfully and give his biceps a break. Regardless, you won’t understand his reasons and motives until you ask. Discover why he prefers certain sexual positions to others, and see if you can explore bedroom activities that are mutually satisfying and stimulating. If he’s worth keeping around his biggest turn-on should be your pleasure, and the privilege of seeing you naked.